thoughts
jan ‘26
i absolutely failed at getting all the stuff i wanted to get done today, but the thing that took my time was having an hour and a half long conversation with my mom after a long time of not being able to talk proper. worth it, in my opinion. i also got enough things done that i see a path forward. feeling very excited to get all this crap done and move on to the other crap i need to get done. i also got started on a drawing of Jewelry Bonney that i won't post until i finish, but considering how hard of a time i have drawing and how decent it's coming out i'm feeling proud of myself.
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blood oranges are back at the spot and therefore i am complete. i've filled the entire page on my hobonichi life book on every single day of the year so far. certain resolutions are on relative hold, but dutifully contemplated. teaching a full schedule after so long is difficult and feels amazing. the last two weeks have lasted three months of the good kind.
on and on and on and ever onwards!
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temperance
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i absolutely adore blood oranges. i develop an animalistic instinct when i eat them and start breathing harder than usual. what kind of insane freak came up with such an exquisite and delectable citrus treasure. i wish citrus season would never end.
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just finished Murakami's "After Dark". the narrative ended loosely, the way it often is with his novels. i felt endeared by the simplicity of the conclusion, and compelled to reflect on sleep as a symbolic rescue, escape, protector, concluder. the themes of rest and unrest ring pointedly dramatic when evaluating my own life and left me with plenty to consider.
i won't be giving it back to John yet because i'd like to re-evaluate the whole story line in Eri Asai's room to understand her role within the novel more clearly. knowing now the arc of Mari Asai's quest for closeness should give me valuable context in unraveling the nature of her sister's magically metaphysical room and the TV set within it. Murakami's magical contexts tend to resonate with me, but Eri Asai's room felt of underlined significance in its evocative and mysterious force and i'd like to dig deeper.
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happy new year to y’all silly fishes and to me and to the entire world :)
dec ‘25
a new era of piracy has begun. have at you our first single:
Merry Christmas Mrs. Siskin by Piracy
i wrote the link wrong lmao it should work now :)
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finished reading all fours, it left me thoroughly moved. experienced the closing scene in a particularly vivid way surrounded by an orange glow myself, which must have struck a nerve. i'd like to collect my thoughts, but i feel really full and warm. i truly missed reading miranda july. she has a wonderful way of getting to me.
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woke up feeling particularly grateful about people and their role in my life. life is constantly challenging my malaise with opportunities to see that life doesn’t have to stagnate, and that my role within that dynamic is much bigger than i thought. my love of people is not futile and the gears are always turning. happy to be alive and proud to say it.
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i've told some friends that despite the fact that i absolutely abhor the winter (and always have) i made it my mission this year to embrace the season, stay positive, not complain, and enjoy it as much as possible. tea, journaling, reading and let's be honest whiskey have helped quite a bit to steel my resolve, but my strength has been being tested this past weekend since my heat broke and my apartment feels like the opposite of hell (the bad kind of opposite). i have to work on a video right now and it's taking all of my strength to not cave and just go bundle up in bed instead. wish me luck!
p.s.: i received my new hobonichi techo with its cover in the mail and i absolutely adore it. i am very excited to start filling up my life book next year. a satisfying coincidence considering last night i finished filling up the notebook i carried with me all year. this thought warms me up a bit, despite the circumstances.
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woke up on the wrong foot which happens pretty often but successfully tanking it. decided to finally freshen up my itunes library because it's been a big while, so i downloaded 20 albums i've been meaning to listen to. that should help!
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american coffee by jenny hval is a perfect song. i don’t understand why it’s so good. it beats the shit out of me every time i listen to it. it’s so far beyond everything i’ve ever imagined. i have to say something about it so here i am.
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another night of taking the axe to my circadian rhythm, but i wrote vocals for a new kids song and made a demo— definitely worth it. the new kids song is called Boat.
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i have been generally unsuccessful at going to bed at a reasonable hour, but i also drew this new guy so worth it? i've not a name for him yet, what do you think it should be?
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i kept hearing strange sounds in my place and struggled to figure out their provenance while trying to teach my lessons without getting distracted. eventually i went down to the basement and sure enough i saw a bird trapped down there. it kept trying to leave out the front window, which does not open. i tried scaring it into going to the back of the basement, but it would hide in the ceiling and cease to move. i decided to go up to my place and stomp a lot directly above where it was hanging out, and this made the bird finally move towards the back where i already had the door open. after a little encouragement lad bolted right out the door. the bird is now free, phew!
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realized last night that Shigesato Itoi, the creator of Earthbound (Mother 2, in its original japanese release) is also the founder of hobonichi techo, a stationary company that specializes in what they call life books. these are essentially yearly planners/journals/whatever that you get alongside a journal cover and are supposed to write on daily. i've gotten into the habit of keeping a small notebook with me at all times this past year, and the idea of keeping one of these life book seems really attractive. here are some facts:
- Earthbound is probably my favorite thing ever made, which compels me to support whatever its creator does
- they have a really beautiful leather cover for the book featuring debossed pixel art of Ness on his bike and i am obsessed with it
- i like where my notebook-keeping habit has left me, and i would not mind leaning into it a bit more
i will contemplate these facts for a couple of days before deciding whether i actually will partake, mainly because the cover i liked the most happens to be much more expensive than the rest of them (why am i like this?). perhaps i deserve a treat? we'll see.
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some ray of inspiration must have hit me, because the piracy album is finally starting to sound like what i imagined when i first started mixing it. some comments from my brother put me in the right path in the first place, but the past two nights i've made more progress with it than i think i ever have. thankful to finally see the horizon. that being said it is important that i stop staying up so late because light has turned very scarce.
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i don’t think i had properly experienced “stars of track and field” until after many years of loving it i finally learned how to play it. singing it for myself while playing the piano put me in a timeless state of float at about 3am last night, and it held me tight once i finally got to sleep. i always avoid playing music by myself, but the snow is playing tricks with me.
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first day officially using flounder and i feel stimulated enough to make a little thought log. i actually did like twitter a lot back before all that jazz.
/ongoing/